I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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