i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
