Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
