The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Two words: nipple clamps
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