But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
