I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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