Tell her she can't have a vagina
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
