i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's always time for handjobs
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
