you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
