Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
