she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
