I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
