did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
