Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I want to fling myself into the sun
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
