Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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