So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
