It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
