Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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