Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
