If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
