Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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