Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Couch. On fire.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize