How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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