I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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