Sponge bath it is.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
