She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
