i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
