90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
