the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
