I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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