I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
