remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize