I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
