She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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