Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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