god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Help me help you realize you are a moron
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
