DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
