Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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