my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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