There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
