she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
