oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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