omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
