I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
