how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
