I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
