You just made me feel so damn special
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I licked your asshole in confidence.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
