I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
