Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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