her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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