if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
