just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
