i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
