Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
