My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
