bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
