he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
