theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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