I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
