I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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