I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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