Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
