Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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