Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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