Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
