you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I need to stop coming to work sober
im six kinds of drunk right now
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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